This is not about you being unique (you are). It is about how you relate to yourself and how that matters. It is hard to see and hear the way we talk to ourselves but very, very easy to notice other people so let’s start there.
Have you noticed how some people are very judgemental and hard on the people around them ? Have you noticed how some people are more forgiving and tolerant to the people around them ?
How you are to other people is a reflection of how you are to yourself. It is that simple. If you are hard and unforgiving and judgemental to the people around you, that is how you treat yourself and it matters. It matters because it is impossible to take risks and learn new things if you are scared of being judged and scared of failure.
You may think that your fears are of what the outside world is going to say – but the outside world seldom needs to say anything anymore, your inner voice gets there way before it can.
The person stopping you is ? You!
Everything you need to get from the people around you first has to be something you give yourself. You can test this for yourself by finding someone who gives you what it is you think you need (unconditional love, support, acceptance…the list is long). Have you noticed how it is never enough ? Have you noticed how you somehow don’t quite believe them, no matter how hard they try there is always that doubt ?
That doubt is because what is missing is inside you and can not be filled from the outside.
So for this week I dare you to give yourself what you most want from the people around you.
Start with noticing the conversations you have with yourself. It helped me to give that voice a name (Svetlana if you are interested – she was quite a witch, hard, judgemental – think Siberian prison wardress and you have the idea. No wonder I battled to do anything with her in my head).
Then start to practice being your own best friend. Create a new voice, one that is kind, one that is accepting, one that is forgiving and tolerant. Yes it will feel strange and fake when you start because this is a new habit your are forming. Remember, thoughts are choices. The thoughts in your head that you accept as the truth are just habits. They are only as true so long as you choose them. Not convinced ? Try it! Spend a month (not a day) learning how to be kind to yourself and see what opens up.
This is something live every day. On those days where I am having a mega panic attack I stop and remember to be my own best friend. I remember to be kind to myself and forgiving. I still have to pay attention to these moments. One day I will be able to do it without having to stop, then my new habit will be as much me as Svetlana every was – only now I will like myself.