We tend to think of command and control (unilateral control) as something that only leaders live. The language we use re-in forces this belief, especially as the values that Roger Schwarz ascribes to unilateral control seem to apply more to people who lead than the people who are led – values such as win, don’t losing and be right. This often makes it easy for people who aren’t in leadership positions to assume that they don’t live from unilateral control – how could they, they don’t have any control ? We follow and comply however we still do this using a unilateral control mindset – we insist that someone tells us what to do, we expect that of leadership and then we live the values of being right and winning in a very, very different way.

Just because we live in a world of compliance and following, where other people are right and winning live in a world and you are wrong and losing doesn’t mean that you aren’t driven by the need to win and not loose, to be right and not wrong, so how do we fulfil this need ? We do it through gossip and putting other people down. Yup! All those conversation we have about how Amy is so rude and look at how she is dressing and what about her attitude and how dare she talk to us all like that, all that gossip and complaining about others is our powerless way of being right and winning.

So if you are thinking that you aren’t living command and control because you don’t lead or manage, start paying attention to how you think about and speak about others. When you speak about situations and other people are you trying to put yourself in the right and them in the wrong ?

What would happen if you let go of this and started to practice living from curiosity and acceptance that everyone has a different perspective and that doesn’t make them wrong ?

Imagine if other people treated you from this perspective ?