The How of “How” – Making the Unknown Known
If I had to sum up the one skill that a world record needs it is the ability to turn the unknown into the known (and dare I say, make it boring). To shift a limit – be it a personal one or a world one – you need to step into the unknown and explore.
For a decade I searched for a ‘how’. How can I become enlightened ? How can I become calm and relaxed and confident? How can I transfer the limitless power and possibility I had found in diving to every moment of every day ? All around me were people who could tell me what it looked like, what habits I would have, what I would be thinking and feeling when I was there. But no-one could connect where I was to that ‘there’.
I was looking for a recipe, a set of actions that if I repeated would get me to ‘there’. But what if the journey to ‘there’ is completely unique – something that is created and moulded to who you are ? What if there is no recipe ? What if no matter how many books I read or courses I go on I am still in the same place ? The place where I have to find my own way and choose for myself what I want and then learn how to get there ?
WHAT IF THERE IS NO-ONE TO FOLLOW ?
It is a scary thought that ? What if I am responsible for creating my own path ? Then I have wasted my entire life waiting to find the right mentor, the right course, the right book. All I did was distract myself from the real work.
So if there is no-one to follow, how do you create a path ? How do you learn what you don’t know ? That was the big question in diving, how do I learn what I don’t know ? Even though there were three men who had been deeper than 200 meters, there wasn’t enough information to really understand what it was they had done which meant there was nothing I could re-use. There was no-one to follow. I had to teach myself. So I did.
I focused on the next step, of getting myself into that place and experiencing it and then looking at that experience, evaluating it and refining it until it was something I could do with ease. I added new skills if I realised I needed them and practiced, practiced, practiced…and then I did it all again, one step deeper. Each step uncovered something else I didn’t know, something else I had to learn. Each step built on the steps that went before.
So, deep breathe! You are going to own this! You are going to have claim it and create it. There is no-one else who can do it, there is just you.
You are going to use other people’s words and experiences as guides, not directions and you are going to start to explore and learn and practice. You are going to own finding a way to bring ‘that’ into your reality.
Tip : Start to define your ‘there’ – what are you feeling ?
For me it started with questions and single words I could focus on. I took a long look at my life and asked the question, ‘What would I be feeling if this present wasn’t here ?’. I summarised that into a single word, ‘Flow’ and then I asked myself, ‘If I were Flow, what would I be doing, saying and thinking ?’ I listened to the answers (and there were lots) and experimented. The Daily Dare was borne.
Tip : Make Creation a Part of your Day and Stick to It!
I did this as a specific focus that had specific time set aside in my day. I set my intention in the morning and then I wrapped it up at the end of the day. That daily wrap up was the critical part of the process. That was what started to increase my awareness of what I was saying and doing and feeling and when I had that, I could start to invent ways to do things differently.
It took a good month before I actually made any progress. Even more interesting, what I understood from my Daily Dare changed significantly. When I was working with Love I realised it was just too hard a reach for me, so I asked myself, “If I can’t be Love, what could I be first that would get me there ? ”
So I worked on just being that in everything I said and did and thought.
Boy was that an eye opener. There were so many people that didn’t even make my radar – the cashier at the shop, the parking guard, the person in the traffic next to me…which started me to ask questions like, “Is kindness something you give only to specific people ? “
Tip : Try until you ‘get’ it – failure is a lesson
Diving deep was all about doing something until it was second nature. I wasn’t borne with the skills to be a diver, I had to learn them. What if you weren’t borne with the skills you need to be the creator of your life ? What if you have to learn them ?
I wasn’t looking to ‘do’ my Daily Dare, because actions require thought and I found that if I wasn’t thinking about Flow or Kindness I just never did it. I want to ‘be’ my Daily Dare because if this was part of my being, it would be something I did without thought, it would be a reaction, something that was a part of every moment of every day.
The whole idea of BEING the Daily Dare took on a whole new dimension. The more I stuck to it the more I failed, losing my temper at the silliest things and having to reflect back day after day on dismal (and often embarrassing) failure. I am not good with failure. But I persisted. Each failure became a mirror, reflecting the reality I was trying to escape back at me in a way I could not escape. Each day brought a new awareness an with each new awareness I was one step closer to ‘there’, one step further away from ‘here’.
Yes, some days it just was too hard and that was when I took a break and just let things be, but never for too long.
It took almost 2 months before I finally started to ‘get it’. Kindness wasn’t something I did, kindness was something I was. When I wasn’t thinking kind thoughts wasn’t doing kind things. My default thoughts were the problem and those were the thoughts I was having about myself. A hidden conversation popped into the light and with it I found myself relaxing for the first time.
WHAT WOULD IT TAKE TO OWN CREATING YOUR LIFE ?
How do you find out what you don’t know? You choose to step into the unknown!
How do you create it ? You choose to!
It is really as simple as that. You choose to !
You stop listing and living all the ‘why I can’t’.
If you were going to create this, how would you ?
You stop listening to all the reasons why not and you focus on one thing and one thing only, if I were to do this, how would I ? What would I have to start doing ? What would I have to stop doing ?
The only person who can do this, is you! If you are reading this you are searching for the courage, the moment, the sign…this is it!
You can! You wouldn’t be here if this were not the next step on your path. That is just how this bizarre process works.
What would it take to let go of that mentor/ teacher/ guide and own it ?
When last did you step into the unknown without a guide or mentor or parent or teacher ? Because guides and mentors and teachers can only show you their path…. and here is the thing, they aren’t you! They may be similar, but they are not you!
You are brilliantly and amazingly unique. Every experience you have lived, good or bad, every-one has been lived so you can take this next step. Every-one is allowing you to let go of something you no longer need. Every-one is there to help you choose to be Free!
I don’t know why it works like this. I don’t know how! All I know is that there isn’t a single moment in my life that hasn’t enabled me to be ‘here’. And as hard as it has been, I would not give up being ‘here’.
How do you change your life ?
- You choose to
- You choose to do whatever it takes
- You choose to claim it and own it and not let anyone else be responsible for getting you there and if you can’t find anyone to help you, you go anyway
- You choose to persist even if all you seem to be doing is failing
- You choose who you are and what matters to you regardless of what other people thing
- You choose to let go of what you no longer need so there is room for what you really do want
How do you change your life ? You choose to!
You choose to question where you are and listen to the answers, really listen and then keep on asking the question over and over, going further and further.
You choose to be different even if that feels lonely sometimes.
You choose to start where you are with what you have and work from there, learning what it is that you want, who you want and how you want to feel.
What if you Dared ?