I have spent a lifetime not being special. Which sounds odd considering I hold the womans record for depth. So why do I feel that I am not ‘special’ ? The answer that bounces into my mind is that for me, to be special is to be better than some-one else and in my world that is just not done. You do not elevate yourself above the rest. You wait until you are elevated and then you are shocked and demure and embarrassed. To be special I have to be better than you but I fundamentally know that I am not better than anyone. Nor am I particularly different. So rather than be special my life has been about blending in and being mediocre… excelling but never too much – never enough to make anyone else feel less. So I spend my time finding the things I have in common with you and hiding the things that are different just in case I make you feel less.

But what if being special has nothing to do with being better or worse than anyone ?

This thought fascinates me. What if we are all borne with a different set of gifts which make us the same yet totally unique ? And what if, what if the people who excel at attaining abundance only do so because they are instinctively listening to their uniqueness and playing to that, rather than trying to follow a recipe and fit it?

My thought is that if we were all on the same level we would never change, never learn, never advance. So as a society we have to have the explorers who stand out and dare to be different, dare to do new things in a different way. 100 years ago no-one had ever climbed Everest. Today it has gone from the impossible to merely difficult and dozens summit every year. It took one person who was different and not afraid of that difference to create the possibility for anyone to achieve the impossible. We now all have a bit of Hilary in our consciousness and being.

This whole thoughts began with my search to claim unlimited abundance and a phrase that did not sit with me – that in order to have unlimited abundance it had to be for my higher good coupled with the fact that I would never have it if myself worth did not believe itself deserving.
I have a problem with the former because as a spiritual being I was not borne with limits. I was borne to experience the universe in all its abundance – anything I want is mine for the asking, so how then how can unlimited abundance not be for my higher good ? Unless of course acquiring said unlimited abundance means I never ever follow my path and just ‘retiring’ for life, then I guess it makes sense. Never give me the abundance until I accept who I am and my gifts, the things that make me special.

The second limitation is self esteem, which makes more sense to me because if I do not think I deserve abundance I will make sure I never excel or stand out and so receive it. The problem is, how do you change your self esteem ? Yes, you can read book after book and say affirmation after affirmation and do the therapy thing, but how often does that create a lasting change in your being ?

Which brought me right back to being special and the gifts that make those differences.

What if accepting the fact that you are special and so is everyone around you, is the first step ?
What if you can only claim unlimited abundance when you accept who you are and start to work with what you have that makes you unique ?
What if the very thing that makes you special is a gift and one that you were given so that you can pass it on ? What if (yes I know, a lot of what if’s) but what if there have to be people who stand out and who are fundamentally different because they are the ones that create change ? They are the one’s that create a new potential for anyone and with that new potential what becomes possible transforms ?

What if by being me I open a door for others to transform who they are – to become more empowered, more joyful, more abundant ? What if that was you ? That you had something I desperately needed to see and hear to change who I was so that I could be more me ?

I am left with this one thought. That when I do not accept my gifts, my uniqueness, I deny you the opportunity to expand your awareness and being. There has to be someone to shine the way so that others can follow and as more lights start to shine the differences start to disappear. The very gifts we thought special become nothing more than normal and the cycle starts all over…with a new generation of explorers who bring a new set of gifts that we could not possibly imagine!

Who would you be if you accepted who you were and stopped fighting ? Who ?