Being Light and Love
Written April 20 2009
I am always amazed at how interlinked events are in the universe. A couple of weeks back I reversed my rather large vehicle into a parked car, trashing their driver door in the process. I went into a flat spin, imagining an outraged that I would have to deal with. Turns out the owner was an extremely nice, considerate man who phoned me later when I was home to tell me not to stress or worry. Accidents happen. I was amazed.
Even more so when I found myself sitting at a petrol station at 6h15 watching in disbelief when I was told that they had just put 50 litres of petrol into my diesel engine. I was on my way to Botswana and had a border to make. My stress levels went through the roof. I was angry, upset…and completely forgot that a week earlier I had been the person who had made a mistake…and the kind gentleman who had not made it my fault, but rather allowed me to own it and move on. It was then that I realised my personal vision was not quite strong enough to survive those little events that derail us. It was also then that I realised that perhaps I was living my life the wrong way round. That the things I made into big events are actually quite, quite small….like having 50 litres of diesel put into my tank. What if what was really important about that event was acknowledging the people involved, giving them the space to be human and make mistakes ? What if I needed to live “nothing is wrong” ? What if I had to live being light and love ? GULP!
What I was doing was creating a new way to work my life. I already had Nothing is wrong as one of my key stands, but now I had two more. Own it and be light and love…. And the universe was about to test me to see if I was really serious.
The first test came when some gentlemen decided to ‘free’ my gps from my vehicle through the rather infamous smash and grab technique. That was 10 am, Wednesday 8th April (yes, just before Easter). I passed with flying colours. No stress, calm. At 2pm I got a phone call to say my boyfriend had had an accident. Turns out it was way more serious than I was led to believe. I spent Easter and the subsequent week in hospital panicked and stressed…my new stands forgotten in a backwash of emotional distress. Turns out this was only the 4th worse week of my life (my Dad’s death claims the first, my Mom’s death the second and a hijacking the third). The last thing on my mind was being light and love. The last thing on my mind was making right rather than wrong.
I am now home! The boyf is getting better day by day and will be fine and I am left with the feeling that I missed an opportunity. I can see where I need to be, owning the places I find myself in (whether or not I created that situation), being light and love. I am just not quite able to execute all of that yet. I am angry with the person who asked my boyfriend to do him a favour and tow a vehicle quickly down to Nelspruit on a dodge trailer. An act of kindness that almost cost a life and has serious monetary side effects (boyf can not earn money for the next 3 months). Right now it is a struggle to let go of the need to be right, the need to have someone to blame and hold responsible. Right now it is hard to just let go, breathe and find that quite place…where light and love flow, where nothing is wrong, where I trust the universe, myself, life. So right now I am going to be kind to myself and let it be what it is. There is nothing wrong with where I am at!
Where are you right now ? What anger is preventing you from owning where you are at, and so changing it ? What could you do right now to be light and love ?