It’s not the Event that Creates your Experience, it’s the Way You Think About It !
This is a reoccurring theme for me at the moment. I often find myself trapped in the same experience, even though the names of the people seem to change. It is a difficult habit to break simply because we are so used to believing what we think and feel. In some of the courses I hve been on people have used phrases like, ‘what is your relationship to money ?’, which has made no sense. Relationships are things that people have, so how can I have a relationship with my job or my car or, or, or ?
Here is what I have figured out. My relationship to events and people is the way in which I respond to them and how I think about them. Yes, we are back to thoughts creating emotions which create actions/ behaviour but this is where I am starting to see things differently. What if I can change the focus of my thoughts ? The million dollar question is how ?
The problem is how attached I am to the way I am thinking. Which brings up an even more interesting question, why ? Why do I like the way I think about things ? Is it because I believe I am right ? And if I am right, then it is my duty to ensure that everyone else understand this and change! After all I am right. It gets worse, because I know I am right I defend what I am thinking and what I am doing, even if it is not creating the experience I want!! Sounds totally loony when you right it down but start to pay attention to your next conflict. Doesn’t it follow a pattern ? You start off with your outcome firmly in mind and then, before you know it you are no longer interested in doing or saying what needs to be said to get there, now you are only interested in the other person agreeing that you are right.
So how then do I master my experience by mastering my thoughts ? Meditation does work, but it requires consistent practice and I have not yet managed to master that. Intentions, they also work but are easily lost in the heat of the moment. What I found seems to help me get out of a blue thought funk when I land up in it is firstly, distraction! I need to stop the repetition of the same thoughts that fuel my knowing that I am right and the world is wrong. I need to interrupt that story and my first step is to putting on loud, fast music that I can sing to. Soft, gentle calming music doesn’t work, I need to acknowledge the intensity of the emotions and let it flow.
The most interesting way of getting distracted is to change the way I am thinking about the event or person by asking one question, ‘What is it in this situation that I need and this is right ?’ I will honest up front and say I hate this question, because it insists that no matter how wrong I think the event or other person is, there is a valid reason why the universe is presenting this to me, so there is something right in that moment that I am missing. I get around it by focusing on the fact that the ‘right’ part isn’t a position or point of view, but rather a reason why this situation is present right here and right now. Invariably I have found that I have asked to learn something or release something and the only way to do that is to be put into a situation which allows me to change the way I think about it and so how I respond to it. It takes some will power to not get sucked back into the story, but it is well worth taking the time to just sit with that question, why is this in my life right here and now, what is right about it, what is it I need from this ? In that moment everything I thought about how wrong the situation is changes and in that moment, I am able to let go of a pattern that has controlled me and so my experiences for all my life. It really isn’t the event or person that creates my experience, it really is how I am thinking about it. When I think it sucks, it sucks. If I think this is ok, I can manage, this is not a threat, it isn’t.
The Practical Steps to Distracting Yourself and Mastering Thoughts
- Get in touch with the energy of the emotions and allow them to flow. Listen to loud music, exercise…whatever it is, let that energy go.
- Distract your thoughts by asking what is right about this event ? What opportunity does it offer you ?
In fact, I think that after “how do I want to feel ?”, “What is right about this ? “ is my next most powerful life changing experience. Try it and let me know how it works for you ? What comes up ? What resistance do you feel ? And….how did it feel when you found the ‘right’!